Whether it’s a new year’s resolution or a summer break habit we’re trying to follow, changing our behavior can be hard. We know we should put our phone down before bed, we know we should drink enough water everyday, and we know we should warm up and cool down after workouts, but why can’t we seem to get these habits to stick? It’s because changing our behavior is hard! We spoke with VIS Expert and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Cali Werner, MSW, about how we actually form good habits and change our behavior.
Habits and Their Importance
Habits are behaviors we do in our day-to-day lives that are second nature to us. This might include brushing our teeth, checking our phone when we wake up, or getting dressed in the morning. Habits require little energy because they are so ingrained in our decision making process.
This can be both good and bad. For example, a habit of scrolling through our phone before bed, if it becomes automatic, turns into a time-wasting, sleep-disrupting behavior. On the other hand, if we get into the habit of drinking a glass of water as soon as we wake up, we establish a healthy, time-constructive behavior.
Why Changing Our Behavior Is Hard
Behavior change forces us to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Whether we are trying to break a bad habit or form a new one, our brains are resistant to change. Werner shares that the way our society uses technology might be to blame. “Today’s society is filled with technology, ‘quick fixes’ by ordering a same day Amazon delivery, distraction from feeling anxious or bored by numbing out online or through social media. What we are not doing when we give into the norms of today’s society is teaching our brains that we can tolerate distress,” Werner shares. “The second we feel stress, we try to get rid of it instead of teaching ourselves that we can tolerate it. The amount of ‘quick fixes’ that exist today leave us without any distress tolerance skills whatsoever.”
The Science of Behavior Change
To better understand what happens in our brain when it comes to our behaviors, Werner uses a cognitive behavioral approach to explain how we recognize and act on our bad behaviors. “When we utilize avoidance or urgency to handle our distress, what message are we sending to the brain? For example, if I twist my ankle going for a layup in basketball, and am then afraid to do a layup again out of fear of re-injury, I have two options. I can 1) avoid layups or 2) try again. If I avoid, I send a signal to my brain that I, in fact, cannot tolerate the distress of the unknown over whether or not I can risk doing another layup. However, if I face the fear, and re-engage by attempting a layup, I slowly overcome the fear,” Werner says.
“We do not want to reinforce anxiety and distress, even though society tells us to,” Werner adds. It’s important to not feed further into our anxiety and distress, even though common societal behaviors often tell us to. A more positive and proactive approach would be using confidence building techniques to enable us to face our fears and heal. Otherwise, we are stuck in a vicious cycle.
“You will never regret positive behavior change (even if it’s scary) once you see the resilience and confidence that accompanies it.”
Expert Tips for Forming Good Habits
We put together a list of some guiding rules we can take away when we want to work on changing our behaviors. First, here are four from the bestselling book, Atomic Habits. For the sake of an example, let’s say our goal habit is to stretch each night.
Make it obvious - We must establish a cue that will trigger our brains to engage in a specific behavior. This can be done by pairing our goal habit with a habit we already have or by tailoring our environment to make the habit easier.
Example: If we want to make stretching each night a habit, we can pair this with our post shower time: Shower (habit we already have) + stretching (goal habit).
Make it attractive - To stick to a habit, we have to enjoy and crave doing it. This can be done by pairing the goal habit with a habit we want.
Example: After we finish stretching (goal habit), I will make my favorite tea I drink every night (habit we enjoy).
Make it easy - Because changing our behavior is already so hard, we should make it as easy as possible to complete our goal habit, especially in the beginning stages. This can be done by priming our environment and starting small.
Example: Start with one minute of stretching each day, then add a minute each week. While ten minutes might seem overwhelming, one minute sounds much more tangible and we will be more willing to engage in stretching each night.
Make it satisfying - As humans, we love immediate gratification, especially in today’s technological age. We should try to couple our goal habit with an immediate, satisfying reward.
Example: We can use a habit tracker to check off our completed habit for the day. The simple act of checking the box gives us satisfaction and increases our chances of continuing the habit. VIS Mentor and Professional Runner, Colleen Quigley, is a consistent user of habit tracking. Check out her guide here.
Now, here are three tips on forming good habits from Werner.
Cognitive reframing - “If we engage in all or nothing, catastrophic, or other forms of negative self-talk (also known as cognitive distortions), we are pushing the possibilities of success further away,” Werner shares. We should use a positive lens to reframe our negative thoughts.
Example: Instead of saying, “I suck, I can't seem to stick to this habit,” say, “I am proud of my persistence and I will keep trying.”
Intrinsic motivators - We are all guilty of letting extrinsic motivators guide our actions, however Werner advises that we let our purpose come from within.
Example: Instead of acting for our coach’s approval or for scholarship money, we should cultivate a deeper inner purpose and act out of a love for our sport (e.g. play for the love of the game, build self-confidence, make ourselves proud).
Life balance - While it is admirable to be dedicated to our sports, we must also pursue time away from sport-related behaviors. “This helps make room for a balanced identity,” Wener shares.
Example: Make time daily or weekly for hobbies such as reading, painting, or whatever else we love to do outside of our sport.
Werner reminds us that in addition to our pursuit of excellence in our sport, it is equally important to take time to rest and recover. She also advises us to seek outside resources for mental health support if we need it.
Forming habits is difficult. Our brains are often resistant to change and it’s easy to feel discouraged when we can’t seem to stick to our goal habits. But with these expert guidelines, we can create a plan to stick to our goal behaviors. As Werner says, “you will never regret positive behavior change (even if it’s scary) once you see the resilience and confidence that accompanies it.”
